Friday, August 01, 2008
Stop press
Now that our government has lost all credibility, it is not really in a proper position to launch any new initiatives to micro-manage the lives of its customers. There is serious danger of redundancy in the brigade of nannies.
But lo! Help is at hand. The DT tells us that the Thai authorities have detirmined that the burning of one joss stick in a temple (or, presumably, in a smack house or anywhere else) releases as many carcinogens into the environment as the burning of one cigarette. Assuming that the Thai government has more standing than ours, they could move forthwith into the banning the burning of joss sticks in public places.
So, as a goodwill gesture, we can send over the entire brigade of nannies to help the Thais plan and execute this important project. Project directors, project managers, parliamentary draftsmen, strategic advisors on public relations, strategic advisors on enforcement policy, trainers for the enforcement agents. Service directors and service managers for the enforcement operation. Crafters of performance targets for the enforcement operation. Writers of 'it is forbidden' signs to erect at the entrances to everything. Surveillance experts to keep a covert eye on potential burners of joss sticks. Rubbish experts to search domestic waste for evidence of illicit burning of joss sticks. Builders of new prisons to hold the new class of offenders. And all the rest of it.
If they do well, it seems likely that there will be other opportunities in the neighbourhood. The brigade may not be back for some time.
So while we are waiting, any nannies that get left behind can think about how we are going to pay for all those extra years of elderly life generated by the absence of smoke, taking into account the loss of smoke revenue.
And if they are really stuck for something to do, they can launch an investigation into whether the incense used by High Church types and Catholics is carcinogenic too. Then if Gordon, having got the sulks because he won't survive his good friend Tony for long, can get back at him by banning incense at home as well as joss sticks overseas.
But lo! Help is at hand. The DT tells us that the Thai authorities have detirmined that the burning of one joss stick in a temple (or, presumably, in a smack house or anywhere else) releases as many carcinogens into the environment as the burning of one cigarette. Assuming that the Thai government has more standing than ours, they could move forthwith into the banning the burning of joss sticks in public places.
So, as a goodwill gesture, we can send over the entire brigade of nannies to help the Thais plan and execute this important project. Project directors, project managers, parliamentary draftsmen, strategic advisors on public relations, strategic advisors on enforcement policy, trainers for the enforcement agents. Service directors and service managers for the enforcement operation. Crafters of performance targets for the enforcement operation. Writers of 'it is forbidden' signs to erect at the entrances to everything. Surveillance experts to keep a covert eye on potential burners of joss sticks. Rubbish experts to search domestic waste for evidence of illicit burning of joss sticks. Builders of new prisons to hold the new class of offenders. And all the rest of it.
If they do well, it seems likely that there will be other opportunities in the neighbourhood. The brigade may not be back for some time.
So while we are waiting, any nannies that get left behind can think about how we are going to pay for all those extra years of elderly life generated by the absence of smoke, taking into account the loss of smoke revenue.
And if they are really stuck for something to do, they can launch an investigation into whether the incense used by High Church types and Catholics is carcinogenic too. Then if Gordon, having got the sulks because he won't survive his good friend Tony for long, can get back at him by banning incense at home as well as joss sticks overseas.
# posted by Jim @ 1:50 AM 
