pumpkinstrokemarrow

For the rest of us, Mr S. was shut on Boxing Day, although the co-located Wickes and Halfords managed to get going. As did one of the newsagents in Ewell Village. By the day after Boxing Day, that is to say yesterday, I was pleased to see that both Chessington Garden Centre and the Christmas shopping bus to Kingston were up and running. Maybe today we will get some trains although I have yet to hear any. The good news is that we have already had our first two dustbins collected.

One notable event of Christmas Day morning was the sight of myself running around the lawn in the dark and in dressing gown trying to locate the sage for the sage and onion (inter alia) stuffing with a torch. Very cold underfoot at that time of day. And while I did not notice any curtains twitching as a result of the flashes of torchlight making the neighbours think of intruders - or perhaps a very late running Father Christmas - the crows in the trees at the bottom of the garden were not amused at all. Much squawking and flapping. I think they mostly got up and left, disgusted. But it was all worth while. Not all that much sage left on the bush after the local live stock's browsing, but enough that when combined with the same amount of dried made an excellent stuffing.

On Boxing Day, we thought to inspect Epsom Common where, to our surprise and despite the heavy rain, there was still some ice on the paths, in particular on a sloping stretch which presumably acted as a stream during the day and froze during the night, building up a good thickness which the rain had not yet dealt with. But few signs of chain saw activity. Which made me think that maybe what the eco-vols needed was some tractor mounted chain saws, front mounted, on hydraulic arms, one on each side. Then they could really get going, driving them ten abreast across the common, rather in the way of those pictures of massed combine harvesters on huge fields in Alberta. Plus, it would be a really good test of 50-something hand-eye coordination. Could you handle four wheels at say 4 mph each, two chain saws at 545 rpm each and two hydraulic arms at 24.3 ppi each without getting the health and safety people in a lather?

If Santa hasn't obliged they could put in an application for part or full funding by the National Lottery. To get them started I did a bit of research with Mr G., only to discover to my horror that no-one seems to make tractor mounted chain saws. The nearest thing I could find is illustrated in the previous post. Rear mounted and only suited to clearing brush. So the poor old eco-vols are going to have to stick with their old style chain saws.

Another notable event of the season was a minor skirmish at the Tooting branch of Wetherspoons, in which connection I commend the prompt and efficient action of the shift leader. Not a big chap but he smothered the skirmish in very short order, despite the sound of breaking glass. Almost as efficient at this sort of thing as the Cathy who used to have a pit-head pub up north before she had TB, some years ago that is.

The skirmish involved two men, one black and one white. The latter probably drunk. I think they knew each other quite well. The white one bigger than the black one. The white one appeared to be needling the black one. The black one appeared to be needling the white one back in some way that I couldn't catch and was not disposed to simply go away. He was going to stay put. Eventually they came to blows. White chap sustains some claret. Smothered as noted above. Black chap leaves. White chap continues to hang around despite it being suggested that he should leave by the other entrance. Two visits by two policemen. The is to say, the same two policemen paid two separate visits. No further action, which I think was the right outcome.

Should the matter have wound up in court and my good self have been called as a witness, not sure what I could have told the court, beyond correcting any fantastic claims which might have been made by the two combatants. Only sitting a few feet away and facing in the right direction, but not near enough to know what it was they were squabbling about or how the squabble developed. The only ones who might have known that were the two involved, who would have been partial witnesses. Maybe a learned counsel could have winkled the truth out of them but I doubt it. And given that I do not think that blame rested entirely with either one of them and no great damage was done, not worth the expense. Best left alone; let the learned counsel loose on something more worthy of his expensive and tax-payer paid time.

PS why does Mr G. think that I might be interested in hypnotherapists? What key word in recent posts is he biting on?