pumpkinstrokemarrow

The Tequila bottle not doing too well either. Despite the occasional feeding with bits of moss, bits of triffid and bits and pieces of toe nail, it remains is firmly in the world of fungi rather than plants. Grey and yellow blotches, potatoes sinking slowly into the mire, but nothing green at all. Odd that there is not even any green algae, given that the bottle is not corked. How long will that take to drift in? Or have I inadvertently loaded the bottle with something that green plants do not like?

Been pondering on a couple of schemes. The first is for a new chargeable service from the Google Corporation. The idea being that they add a mail address 'the.other.side' to their mail world. This address would be our window onto the other side and if we wanted to communicate with those over there we just send our question, observation or whatever to it. Then Google would hire some recognised pyschics, perhaps only those registered with the BPS (British Psychopathic Society, an affiliate of the gang at http://www.psychopathysociety.org/), to attend to inbound email. Lastly, Google implement some kind of stamping mechanism, so the attention your email to the other side gets from these psychics depends on whether you have bought first class, second class, third class & etc stamp. Much more in keeping with the modern world than dealing with those dubious small ads you get in certain newspapers. I remember that French newspapers are full of them, perhaps recognising the strong connection with Francophone West Africa.

The second is for a new government database, leveraging the huge investment in tracking databases about children. So we get the children people to sub-let a portion of one of the many children databases to the dog people. We then say that from noon 1 April 2011, all dogs must be ear chipped and registered. The dog people would then, using mobile phone technology, be able to track all dogs in the country on a 24 by 7 basis, a great leap forward in dog management. Furthermore, we could build up a national network of dog wardens. They could patrol public open spaces during daylight hours (time and a half on Saturdays, double time on Sundays and treble time on public holidays) looking out for unregistered dogs and for dogs whose behaviour does not meet the soon to be promulgated standards for good doggy behaviour. In three parts, containing in total 1,234 pages and 117 half tone illustrations, available from better book shops and some supermarkets. Wardens would carry a special wand. If the wand was pointed at an unregistered dog or a dog with some problem, like some integrity violation on the dog database, it would emit a special sound, inaudible to human ears, which would make the dog lie down and whimper, thus enabling the warden to bag it up and cart it off to the dog pound. If, on the other hand, the wand was pointed at a clean registered dog, the name and address of the dog would pop up on a little screen on the butt end of the wand, thus enabling the warden to log details of the infraction on the central computer. Penalty notices would be sent out to owners by first class post at the end of every working day. Would need to think about whether to help out the struggling post office or whether to contract delivery out to some more go-ahead outfit. Maybe one should talk to Amazon about that. Should also commission the O&M people at the Home Office (or do Ag. & Fish. do dogs these days?) to do some work on the most cost effective range for the wands. A hundreds yards? A thousand metres? With the proviso that, for the duration, they were not allowed to accept anything other than immediately consumable hospitality from the people making the wands. No take aways.