pumpkinstrokemarrow

Garratt Lane clearly the place to try and source such things. The first possible shop, the place, as it happens from where I bought the padlock for our garage, turned out to be an empty shell. Dead and buried. At the second shop, the proprietor, perhaps an Italian, sold all kinds of DIY ironmongery and knew exactly what I was talking about but did not stock them. Most apologetic. The next two shops were more household hardware and run by subcontinentals, and while they did have DIY ironmongery did not have the things in question.

Next I thought to try Broadway Market, a superior version of the indoor market we used to have in Epsom when we first moved here. And I thought I had struck gold when I came across a stall run by a West Indian selling salvage ironmongery. Sadly, while he also knew exactly what I was talking about - he had the things on his own toolbox - he did not sell them. As a consolation prize I bought myself a couple of short fat Jamaican cucumbers from the stall opposite. Air freighted from Kingston, which might account for the price of £1.20 each. Turned out to be very like the ridge cucumbers I used to grow in Cambridge. White flesh inside rather than green and with a tendency to go watery in the seedy part in the middle. Rather harder and crisper skin than regular cucumbers. But no ridges. All in all, good gear.

Carrying on down Mitcham Road tried two or three more household hardware stores without success. But then, more or less at Amen Corner (see May 16th), came across Ace Mica Hardware (http://www.acemica.co.uk/) which claimed to have everything one could possibly want for DIY. And they did indeed sell case corners from 'Securit' at £1.40 for 4, including screws. I declined the strap on the grounds that I was finishing a table not a case.

By the time I got home, I had decided that the half inch screws which came with the corners were not really the thing. While the half inch three screws at a corner would indeed meet at a point, I wanted something a bit stronger. Less than half an inch of thread in softwood was not going to hold too much. Riffled around in my screw box - containing perhaps 10kg of screws - without finding anything terribly suitable. So the following morning, that is to say this morning, down to Robert Dyas to see what they could do, which turns out to be 30 one inch No. 4 for £1.40 or so. Not ideal but better than what had come from Securit. Proceeded in an north easterly direction to Wickes, which did not, as it turned out, improve on Robert Dyas. Not really into small screws at all; more carpenter than cabinet maker. Cut back to Screwfix who were not really into small screws either - in fact screws only occupied four or five out of the four or five hundred pages in their catalogue, despite their name - but they did have a packet of 200 3mm by 30mm turbogold twin thread for £3.03. Good value and much more the length I was looking for although it turned out that the 3 bit meant diameter of the shank rather than that of the head. So the heads were rather bigger than I wanted.

The 8 case corners are now fixed to the table tops with one 3mm by 30mm screw apiece, driven through the face of the tables rather than their edges and dipped in wood glue for further security. Rather as with teeth implants, knocking the corners off now will do serious damage to the infrastructure. The only fly in the ointment was the fact that screw manufacturers have mucked around with the shape of cross head screws again so that none of my cross head screwdrivers fitted the cross heads in the snug way that they should for confident driving. But I did manage.

I note in passing that BH's late uncle's vernier callipers tell me that the 30mm length screws are actually 29.5mm in length. I ought to be able to get another decimal point but I find first that my eyes are not up to it, even with a magnifying glass, and second that I am not terribly sure how to read a vernier any more. Back to school on that one.

I also note in passing that Kentish cherries were £2.50 in Epsom Market this morning, compared with the £1.50 in Broadway Market. Good quality thought so I do not mind the extra £1 too much.